Um...hi! You're Wade, right? And you're Cable's roommate? I um...wanted to make him something for Christmas...a little late, but I don't know the sort of things he likes? I was wondering if maybe you knew.
Cable? You want to get the big Scrooge something for Christmas? Uuuuhhhh. Well, that's a tough question, Vigil. Vigil, right? Not Virgil? [ Is that the sound of him opening a bag of potato chips.... The following crunch would definitely be an answer. ] Cable is a manrobotcyborgmutant of few interests. Shooting, stabbing, being part robot, killing kids, badtouching time. Y'know that sort of stuff. [ Crunch! ]
Yeah, it's Vigil. I mean, I just made that up because I don't remember what my real name is, so I guess I could change it, but it's on my ID thing and all so I'd probably just confuse everybody.
[ Wait. What was he talking about again?
...Oh ew. Talking with your mouth full is so rude, Wade. ]
Yeah, I'm having a hard time too. He's good at fighting, and he's protected me befo--
[ Suddenly Wade's entire sentence registers in his brain. ]
[ ... What was his last sentence? ] Yeah, I don't know if you noticed but he's kinda a manrobotcyborgmutant. Metal arm, glowing eye. The whole shebang.
[ A pause. ] Well, that song is gonna be stuck in my head for days. [ Is he humming this for a moment, yes, yes he is. ]
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Voice | un: Vigil
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[ Wait. What was he talking about again?
...Oh ew. Talking with your mouth full is so rude, Wade. ]
Yeah, I'm having a hard time too. He's good at fighting, and he's protected me befo--
[ Suddenly Wade's entire sentence registers in his brain. ]
--Wait, what? What was that last bit?!
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[ A pause. ] Well, that song is gonna be stuck in my head for days. [ Is he humming this for a moment, yes, yes he is. ]
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[ There's a clatter as Vigil drops the phone due to the wild flailing that Wade can't currently see. ]
Th-the killing kids! The bad touching. He doesn't really do that, right? This is one of your jokes?
[ He sounds quite frantic. ]
Why do I know that song?
[ Focus, Vigil. Focus. ]
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Oh, no, this is definitely not one of my jokes. I don't joke about kid killing or bad-touching time.
[ CRUNCH. ]
Sooo, what were you asking, I got distracted.
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Never mind that! You...! You can't say that about Cable! He doesn't kill kids or...
[ He can't bring himself to say it. ]
...Do...worse things to them! He's your friend! He's...my friend!
[ Sniffle. ]
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I never said he does worse to kids, I said he bad-touches time. With his time traveling device.
[ Unfortunately, he's not invested in this conversation enough to ... deal with someone getting upset. Cable's friend or not. ]
But he definitely likes killing kids. Ask him yourself. It's surprising, I learned I have some standards because of him.
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...And you know what? I will ask him myself! And then...I'm gonna ask him what he wants for Christmas!
[ Click! ]
[ Was that supposed to be a sick burn, Vigil? You are so bad at this. ]